Tuesday, April 29, 2014

"I just can't find a good guy"

I'm not sure if it is because of some of the great girls in my life or the media I've seen lately but one theme I've been hearing is "I just wish there were more good guys around" or "I just can't find a good guy, I'll probably die alone" or the classic "I only get hit on by creeps." I never intend to offend anyone but if you are the kind to be easily offended, you may want to stop reading.

For those of you who have tougher skin, I'm glad you stuck around :). I want to admit, before I write on, that I understand I'm not perfect. My boy hunting skills weren't perfect, my conduct flawed and my mind didn't always think things through before I acted. However, I'm thankful to say that my heart never was broke and now I'm confident to say that I DID find an amazing guy and I'm excited to share this little secret with you - there are many other really great guys out there! 

Can you believe it? There are guys who are dark complected and stunning. There are guys who are sandy haired and strong jawed. There are guys who will pull out your chair for you, open your car door, call you beautiful and HE'S NOT THE KIND OF GUY WHO JUST WANTS IN YOUR PANTS! There are guys who want commitment as much as you do. He'll go to Church with you, lead you in devotions, wear stunningly stylish clothes (but not TOO stylish ;) ) and keep a good job. There are guys who dream of being great dads, going on family vacation and helping you landscape your future lawn. Sound too good to be true? It's not. These men DO exist. 
If these dream guys are guys who you would like to meet, spend time with and possibly even date there are some things you should consider:
Do you conduct yourself in a way that will attract the above described man? 
Let's break his dreamy assets down one by one. You'd like a guy with great morals. It would be ideal if he had a clean mouth, was well kept and was genuine in his actions. Okay, what kind of morals are you displaying? If you are an every night in the bar kind of girl, you are most likely going to find an every night in the bar kind of guy. If you are an F bomb here and B word there kind of girl, you can't ask your man to talk like a preacher. If you would like a guy who wears nice clothes and keeps his face clean shaved, don't wear sweats every other day with your hair piled on top of your head. If you want a man who acts genuinely, you need to act genuinely. It is heartbreaking, and somewhat comical, to watch a girl totally change the way she acts to "get" a certain guy. Trust me, marriage sure pulls out the best of people but it also pulls out the worst. Don't expect an honest guy who will put his heart on the line if you are just a hair dye and a facial away from being someone totally different than who you were born to be.  
Maybe the family man is the one you thought sounded amazing. 
What are you doing to encourage a family man to seek you? A facebook page full of your big eyes and done up hair doesn't scream - kids love me! No, you shouldn't change your page - or anything else - just for a man. I think that saving yourself from being self absorbed is important though. When we constantly spout off to the world about our bad hair days and emotional problems I'm not sure that that tells guys that we have room for their stuff too - they may worry that their insecurities will one day turn into your social media rants. 
If you want the Christian guy described: 
I think it is obvious that where you find a man tells a lot about him. Enough said. 

You may think this entire post has been incredibly negative and discouraging. That is NOT AT ALL my intent. It's just that often times BEAUTIFUL girls come to me absolutely down on themselves because they don't have the man they want. Here are some things that I wish these beauties would take to heart:
1. You having or not having a man does not define you. You are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works - man or no man that is the case! 
2. I believe that God allows girls to be single at times so that HE can work in their lives to prepare them for what is ahead. If you don't have a man in your life TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. Pick somewhere you'd like to go, find something complex you would like to learn about, make  yourself an interesting and FUN person to be around. If all you ever do is chase boys, what will you do when you finally catch one? 
3.  If it is God's will that you be married, He may just be busy developing that man for you. During this time seek God and pray that He refines you so that you are ready for the man of your dreams when he comes into your life. 

Girls, you are amazing. You have a huge purpose that you are being prepared for. You having a guy won't solve your problems. Make sure you are a whole person before you invite someone into your life. Above all, remember that God has your very best interests in mind. When you are lonely, go to Him. When you are discouraged, go to Him. And one day, most likely when you're not even looking, He will bring you a him - and those are the best relationships of all! 

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