Saturday, March 8, 2014

my Olympic sized goal

The Olympics have come and gone and I feel like I barely took time to watch any of the games. Although I don’t take time to sit down and truly follow them, I’m always in awe of the process that each contestant goes through to even make it to the Olympics much less all of the work that it takes to become a medalist.

With that spirit in mind, and with today being the anniversary of the day my man-stud asked me to take his hand in marriage, I want to share with you one of my personal goals. My goal was a goal that many people, in fact most of society has stated is simply impossible. My goal is one that some scoffed at, some just nodded but thought I wouldn’t accomplish it and a select few, when they heard my goal, were impressed and even encouraged it.

Our society today is a product of a lot of things. It’s comical to me to hear about “the good ol’ days” when in reality many of the struggles and issues we are faced with today are a direct result of those days. You see, we live in a fallen world. A world that needs saving thus no generation has been ideal, no time period superior. Nevertheless we are living in the times that we are for a reason and I am thankful for being placed in it.

I hope you are curious about this impossible goal I’m alluding to. You see, it wasn’t a goal thrust upon me, nor was it a goal that no one had ever accomplished before. This goal was one that was vitally important to me though. I wanted to obtain it because it had all of the elements of a perfect goal. It was specific, measurable, relevant and whether society agrees or not it IS an attainable goal.

My goal was to remain a virgin until the day I said “I do.” (Until that night to be more specific J.) I don’t want you to think I took on this goal without thinking it through first. In fact, I spent around thirteen years weighing my options. Initially, I wanted to obtain the goal of purity because I wanted to do what I thought was Biblically right. Removing the Bible from the situation, I realized that I needed to maintain my position in this race for other reasons as well.

Although I’ve not seen the entire world and the amount of people I’ve had the opportunity to know is quite miniscule on a large scale, that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen people of quite a wide swath. In that group of people, and especially with the females in that sample, I’ve seen much hurt. I’m not just talking about a stubbed toe kind of hurting. I am referring to a lonely, lost, confused as to which direction they should go from there, absolutely gut wrenching regret kind of hurt.

I decided pretty early on that this hurt, brought on because of broken relationships where sex was involved before the holy commitment of marriage, was a hurt I wasn’t strong enough to handle. I also wanted to honor the man who I would one day marry. I’m a typical fairy tale dreaming girl and spent years wondering what my love story would look like. I figured that I wouldn’t have EVERYTHING to offer my man in shining armor. My dad wasn’t rich so my dream boy probably wouldn’t marry me for money. I’m no super-model, I have some smarts but I wasn’t even a 4.0 student. Some girls are artsy, some have musical talent and other girls have other special attributes to offer the man of their dreams. I knew I couldn’t rest on any of those things. If a man liked me JUST for my looks or my talents I don’t think I would like him anyway. From the day I was old enough to – kind of – understand the precious intimacy that sex is, I knew I wanted to save that special moment, that special emblem of true purity, for just one man and he would be the only man with whom I would have that intimate bond.

It was an easy goal to think I would be able to keep especially at the age of 13. The older I grew the more challenging I realized this goal really was.

So how did I accomplish it? Well, there were a few things that all mixed together for my successful formula. I would say the first thing was that I had a very strong commitment to my Heavenly Father but I’d also made my commitment of abstinence made known to my dad. That was the day he gave me a promise ring, my second most precious piece of jewelry today. My parents never did give me a curfew and their rules were actually very few. This may seem like mischievous acts would come easier to me since “nothing good happens after midnight.” I would argue that because there weren’t strict rules I abided by, I had higher expectations for myself.

Since I remained a virgin was I home by 7:00 every night? You better believe I wasn’t. I usually worked until at least 8:00 at night and more often than not went and hung out after that. You may think I was some kind of prude who never went on dates. I’ll leave the prude title for someone else to decide but I did date. Many great guys invited me out with them and I did accompany many of them to the movies, bowling, dinner etc. I attended the Junior/Senior prom a half a dozen times, some of them in other towns, but never did I go anywhere with a “date” if he didn’t ask my dad’s permission first. Old fashioned? You bet! A rule? Nope it wasn’t. This was a standard I chose so that I knew that that young man understood that I was something special and not the kind of girl to just “mess around” with. You may be thinking that after some amount of time of being involved in a serious relationship my goal to remain pure became easier – actually it became MUCH more difficult. In fact, the hardest time in my race to remain pure were the six months I spent engaged to the man who is now my husband. I was FULLY committed to him. We lived in the same town and had no one “checking in” on us. It would have been so easy to cross that line, we were going to get married soon anyway. But I was so close to accomplishing what I knew was right – not just for me but for him too – that we waited. You see, my virginity quest wasn’t just for me. The young man’s emotions are important too. For those guys I was less serious about I always figured that if things didn’t work out between him and I, I didn’t want to be the girl he had to tell his wife about one day. I also abided by the theory that having sex outside of marriage before I was married would make it easier to have sex outside of marriage after I was married. 

I guess, long story long, although I didn’t have to run scores of miles per day, I didn’t have one coach per say and I never really did have a jersey that screamed I was part of team v-card, I HAVE been awarded something far greater than any gold medal. On my wedding night with low lights in a luxurious room in the honeymoon sweet, I finally shared what I’d cherished for so long. With the help of many, I’d protected and treasured, and that night was able to unwrap and present, something I’d spent decades preserving for the hero in all of my fairytale dreams.

Maybe you are reading this and feeling that hurt and sorrow. I’m convinced there is no one without physical relationship regrets. I wish I could tell you I have none but I do. What we must remember is that the same God who molded us, the God who knitted us together in our mother’s womb and who gave us that special intimacy to save for one person understands that we have a sinful nature. He is a God who is merciful and mighty to save. He says we can take all of our burdens to Him. Even, no ESPECIALLY, the burden of turmoil in your heart from regrets of your past. Cry out to Jesus and you too will be well on your way to that precious goal.

For those of you who have remained pure, know what you are up against. The Devil is powerful in his work – don’t give in. Prize your virginity, make it your signature goal, I guarantee you it will be worth it!

- Trinity

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