Saturday, October 6, 2012

Huntin' Widow No More!



There’s a time we hate to think about and it’s this time of year.
We know our husbands are gonna’ take off to go find themselves a deer.
They try to say it nicely but we know what’s goin’ on,
You see it used to be cool for them to take us but now those days are gone.
It’s the dating years when the guy is still attracted to the girly.
When he finds they have things in common he gets a little squirrely.
But when they’re old and married the girl doesn't get much merit.
To explain it in terms he’d understand, it’s like you’re a frivolous ferret.
No, this writing isn't to bring you to sorrow and depression.
It’s to bring to light the way us wives have a similar obsession.
The first year we were married, my husband took off in October.
I was left to cook and clean and do the jobs I was made for, he was sure.
So for that year I sat at home and did my “woman” duties.
When he came back I said nice things and told him he was a studly.
But the truth of it is inside I was burnin’ with all sorts of anger and malice.
So I made a plan and charted it out for the next year when he got ready to take off.
You see, I have a cousin who’s an outfitter and my brother in law is one too.
So the following year when my man went hunting, although he didn’t know, I did too.
I went to my cousins and we left to set up camp, there were several of us “huntin’ widows.”
We had a hoppin’ good time and the food was the best, and now for a report on our critters.
My cousin has been said to be the best in the land at guidin’ hunts and spottin’ good ones.
Within a week our tags were full and with our animals all cut up and clean we declared our hunt done.
See our husbands were headed home that weekend and we wanted everything to be just right.
Gosh I wish I wasn’t the only one there when he finally got home that night.
He was proud and a braggin’ of his huge animal, It scored a one eighty.
I just smiled real smugly but didn’t peep a word, I got him his supper and his nightly cup of coffee.
We began to wind down our evening but first he thought he’d hang his deer in the shop.
I followed him out there and boy I’m glad I did, you should have seen the surprise he got.
His one eighty buck was okay I guess, lots of people would be happy to shoot him.
But I held my head high because I knew that mine scored at least a two ten.
To further explain the events of that night would bring shame to my husband.
So like the submissive wife I am I’ll just let you know that he won’t be leavin’ me home again.
I felt bad throughout the year when friends would come over and get googly eyes when they saw the huge mount hung.
So I took one for the team, now we’re on year three and I’m proud to say my husband got a monster of his own.
It was hard to get him set up and to spot one for him that would bring back the confidence he’d once had.
But he was happy when on the seventh shot he got it, so next year my goal is to make sure I find a good one for his dad.

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